Funny Kid #3 Page 6
We all head to the girls’ tent – Abby, Tyson, Pip, and me. Hugo hurries after us and even Duck pauses in packing up his little nest to inspect the situation.
Sure enough, it’s exactly as Pip described. The back of their tent is open and you can see in the dirt where someone (or something) has dragged the suitcase outside.
“Look, there’s a trail,” Tyson says, pointing to marks in the dirt that lead away from the tent.
Tyson follows the suitcase marks to the edge of the clearing, where the bushes start. Suddenly he gasps.
“What?” Abby asks.
We run to see what he’s looking at.
There, in the middle of a muddy patch, heading into the woods, is a giant footprint.
It’s not a human footprint either. It looks like a . . . dinosaur print.
Duck quacks.
“Do you think that’s the –?” Pip asks.
“The Gunker Dragon?” Hugo gasps. “Your suitcase has been taken by the Gunker Dragon!”
Abby steps forward slowly and inspects the footprint. “This is just like everything I read,” she says. “They come in at night and steal things from campers.”
“Like Layla’s basketball and Kevin’s hairbrush . . .” Pip says.
“And now your suitcase,” Abby finishes. Then she stands bolt upright and turns around. “Does this mean it came in while we were asleep?”
Pip’s eyes go wide. “I’m pretty sure the suitcase was gone when we first woke up.”
Abby looks like she’s about to cry. “Piiiiiip, it came into the tent with us to take the suitcase!”
Hang on a minute, this is getting out of control. They really actually believe this. Time to bring some calm to this situation.
“Abby, Pip, Hugo, listen. There’s no Gunker Dragon. This is clearly just one of Tyson’s pranks,” I say.
“It is not!” Tyson declares. I ignore him.
“Did you?” Pip asks, turning to her brother.
“No! I think it was Max,” he says.
“Was not.”
“Was too.”
“Was not.”
“Was too.”
QUACK! Duck scowls at both of us as if to tell us to pull our heads in.
“It wasn’t me either,” Hugo contributes to the conversation. “In case anyone was wondering.”
No one was.
Tyson and I look at each other.
“Yeah, if you don’t think they’re real, then you’ve got nothing to be scared of, right?” Pip adds.
We look into the woods. The trees are tall in there, so the morning light can’t really get in. It’s dark and, well, just between you and me, a little scary. This is not where I thought this conversation was going.
Why won’t Tyson just admit his prank so we can all pack up and go home?
“Um . . . what was in your suitcase?” Tyson asks his sister. “Do you really need it back?”
Pip glares at him.
I suspect he’s feeling the same way I am.
I’m pretty sure these Gunker Dragon things are a hoax, but that doesn’t mean I’m keen to follow a potential one into the woods to find out for certain. Being out on the lake last night, it had almost felt believable that something could be lurking down in the water beneath us.
“Not so confident now, are you?” Abby says. “Go on. If they’re extinct, then there’s nothing to worry about, is there?”
“Ah . . .”
Quack! Duck has had enough and decides to take action himself. He marches into the woods, following the trail of the suitcase.
If Duck can do it, so can I.
“Okay, come on then,” I say, and walk into the woods, followed by Tyson, Hugo, Pip, and Abby. “Let’s go get the suitcase. We just have to make sure we’re back before two o’clock.”
We head into the woods in single file, following Duck. My brave little friend is short and quick, and I have trouble keeping up. Also, because I’m taller than him and the first kid in the line too, it’s my head that hits all the branches on the way through.
Whack. Ugh. “Watch out for that one!”
Every time I get walloped in the face, I hear Pip giggle, which on one hand is good, but on the other – isn’t she worried about her suitcase?
It’s quite easy to follow the path of the suitcase, because there are scratch marks in the dirt.
“Tyson, you really did drag this suitcase a long way,” I say. It must be Tyson, surely. Eventually he’s going to admit it.
“I told you,” Tyson replies, “I didn’t do it! Why would I take the suitcase? Pip’s my sister! This looks exactly like the sort of prank you would pull.”
“Why would I prank Pip?” I argue back. “I –”
Oops. In the heat of the moment, I almost said “I like her.” That was close.
“You what, Max?” Abby calls from the back of the line. I think she knows exactly what I was going to say.
“Nothing.”
“Shut up!” I call back. “Tyson is trying to make it look like me – that’s the prank. Was putting me out in the middle of the lake not enough for you, Tyson?”
“You’ve got to admit that was pretty funny.” Tyson chuckles.
“I don’t have to admit anything!” I say, and let one branch go.
WHACK! It smacks him in the face.
“Ow!”
He deserved that.
Suddenly I push through a particularly thick bit of scrub and what I see in front of me makes me stop abruptly.
“I guess we found the suitcase,” I whisper.
The others all push through the last of the bushes and stand next to me.
Duck whisper-quacks.
Before us is a small clearing. In the middle of it, Pip’s suitcase is lying open, the contents thrown all around the clearing. But that’s not the only thing that makes us gasp.
Layla’s basketball is there on the ground. Kevin’s hairbrush is stuck in a bush. But that’s not what takes our breath away either.
The branches around the clearing are snapped and broken. The ground is all dug up and scratched at. Little bones are scattered here and there. Only it’s not even that that makes us all freeze.
It’s the fact that the giant footprint Tyson found near the tent is . . . Well, those footprints are everywhere.
No one speaks.
I’m having a harder and harder time convincing myself this is definitely a Tyson prank. I mean, if this is his work, he’s gone to an incredible amount of effort and I can’t really think why. His prank war is with me, not with Pip and Abby.
I look over at him and he seems as shocked by the scene as I am. Everyone does.
Hugo whispers, “Is this a . . . Gunker Dragon . . . nest?”
Abby steps forward and faces us. Abby is nearly always serious, but this feels like a different sort of serious. She looks frightened.
No one says anything.
“No, really,” she says. “You all know I came on this trip feeling scared about Gunker Dragons. If you’re messing with me, that’s just mean. And what did I ever do to you anyway?”
Well, I have a list of things I could answer that with, but now doesn’t seem to be the time.
“Seriously, Abby,” I say, “this wasn’t me.”
I turn to Tyson. He looks quite worried himself.
“I didn’t do it either. I swear,” he says.
I study his face, and you know what? I think I believe him.
And suddenly I feel a little chill run up and down my spine.
“As I said before, it wasn’t me either,” Hugo volunteers.
It’s okay, Hugo. No one ever imagined it was you.
“You’re telling me the truth?” Abby asks. “You guys didn’t do this to Pip’s suitcase?”
The three of us shake our heads.
Tyson and I look at each other.
And we’re standing beside its nest. And those footprints are really big. And it must be really big. And we’re not anywhere near Miss Sweet or Mr. Bert.
And we’re going to get eaten by a monster-dinosaur. And it’s going to have really big teeth. And we’re going to get all crunched up in its mouth. And then we’re going to be in its stomach. And we’re going to be in little bits. And . . .
Tyson and Hugo and I grab each other’s hands and scream like a trio of terrified toddlers at a horror movie.
“Shhhhhh!”
Abby puts one hand over my mouth and the other over Tyson’s. Hugo keeps screaming. She takes her hand off Tyson’s mouth and covers Hugo’s. Tyson starts screaming again. She takes her hand off my mouth and keeps Hugo’s and Tyson’s covered. I need a break from screaming anyway.
“Will you boys shut up? It’s sleeping here somewhere – we don’t want to wake it!” she whisper-screams at us.
“You’re right,” I say. “Let’s run and scream instead.”
I turn to flee, but Pip stands in my way.
“Can’t we just get my suitcase? That’s all my stuff,” she pleads with puppy-dog eyes. “Please?”
This is my opportunity to be her hero. To bravely walk into the Gunker Dragon’s nest and rescue her suitcase. Pip would tell that story for years: the day Max Walburt, the funny kid, saved her from an actual monster.
I may think Pip is pretty cool, but I’m not insane!
I’m about to run when Hugo says, “Sure,” and Tyson says, “Okay,” and Duck quacks.
Well, I can’t be the only one who runs, can I? And as long as the Gunker Dragon eats Hugo first, I should still be able to make it out.
“Fine,” I say, “but be quick.”
Abby and Pip dart to the center of the clearing and start picking up Pip’s things and throwing them into the suitcase. Tyson and I look at each other.
I don’t get frightened very often. Mostly just by scary movies, dogs, and brussels sprouts. Those tiny, stinky cabbages are freaky! But right now I’m really feeling my hair standing on end. I can see Tyson and Hugo are feeling it too.
“Where do you think it is?” I whisper to Tyson.
His eyes are wide. “I don’t know. Do you think it can see us?”
Oh, there’s a thought. Is it watching us this very moment? Trying to decide who to eat first?
Hugo starts to cry. He’s always been a bit of a crier, but it’s completely understandable that he’s turning on the waterworks now. We’re about to be dragon food.
Tyson starts to cry too. All right, this is getting a bit much.
“That’s okay. I’m sorry about putting you guys out on the lake!” Tyson sobs. “And for the snake in your sleeping bag, Max.”
Yeah, yeah. Keep going. What’s that tingling feeling in my eyes?
“And for trying to make you pee on the bus,” Tyson continues.
Oh, no. I better not cry too. This is ridiculous! Then again, maybe this is what you do before you die? Maybe that’s the best time to have a good cry?
I can’t even stop it. It’s like there’s a firefighter inside my head who decides to turn on her hose and shoot water out of my eyes.
Wwwaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!
The three of us stand there crying. If it wasn’t so terrifying, it would be incredibly embarrassing. We look like three babies who have lost their pacifiers. I’m glad no one can see us right now.
“If we do die though,” I continue, “it’ll be really cool hanging out with you two in heaven!”
Quack.
Duck has his wings on his hips.
“You too, Duck,” I add. “You too. Although I’m not sure ducks get to go to heaven.”
Duck scowls and waddles off in a huff to help the girls. As I watch him go, I think about how brave Abby and Pip are, and I stop sobbing for a moment. I mean, even knowing there is a monster here somewhere, they’re still taking their time collecting all Pip’s bits and pieces, trusting us to keep watch. There’s no way I’d be doing that. Girls! I just do not understand them!
They’re not really going that fast either.
And did I just hear them giggle?
I look at Tyson and Hugo. They heard it too.
The girls just giggled! At a time like this! We’re all about to get eaten by a monster, and they’re taking their time and having a little chuckle to themselves. What could possibly be funny?
Suddenly Hugo’s eyes narrow behind his steamed-up glasses. “Max, when did we first hear about Gunker Dragons?” he whispers.
“Oh, I don’t know? When we were getting on the bus, I think. Yeah, Abby wanted to bring her dog, Steve, to help protect her from them. As much as I hate dogs, that might not have been such a bad idea. Why?”
“I was just thinking . . .” Hugo wonders out loud.
Tyson wipes the tears from his face. “Pip first mentioned them before that,” he says. “It was the day before we left for camp, after I tipped water all over your head, Max. When you left, I told Pip that boys are better at pranks than girls. Then we had dinner and she spoke to Abby on the phone for ages. After that, she was telling me all about how Abby was scared of some monsters that lived out at the lake we were going to. I wasn’t really paying that much attention.”
“I told Abby girls were no good at pranks too,” I say.
“Do you ever remember anyone knowing anything about Gunker Dragons, except for Abby and Pip?” Hugo asks. “Abby told Miss Sweet about them, but she’d never heard of them. That was a bit strange.”
“And it was Pip’s idea to tell scary stories around the campfire,” Tyson says. “That’s when Abby told us all about the dragons.”
“People’s stuff went missing the next morning and then Pip talked about monsters when we were going canoeing,” I mumble, thinking about what this means.
“Pip apparently saw one out in the water, but Miss Sweet couldn’t find it,” Hugo says.
“And when we were stuck on the lake, it was Pip and Abby who were freaking about the Gunkers,” I say, “but it was Abby who paddled out to get us.”
“Just like it’s Pip and Abby taking their time collecting Pip’s things while there’s supposedly a Gunker Dragon hunting us . . .” Tyson adds.
We all look at one another. Then we look over at the girls. They can’t hear us, but they sure are taking their sweet time.
No way! I can’t believe it. Really? This whole time Tyson and I have been in our prank war, there’s been another enemy who’s been working on the most epic prank against us? They’ve been working on it for days too! They’ve set this whole thing up and they started before we even left for camp! And they made us cry!
Tyson, Hugo, and I all stare at each other.
I’m hitting myself in the head. I can’t believe she got me with Gunker Dragons! Really, Max? You turned into a crybaby for flipping imaginary dragons?
“Don’t feel bad. They got all of us,” Tyson says. “The question is, what are we going to do about it?”
Hugo tries to explain the saying “Your enemy’s enemy is your friend,” but Tyson and I don’t have time to try to understand that. It’s time for us to join forces. There’s no way Abby and Pip are going to make us cry and get away with it.
“The thing is, they don’t know that we know what they’ve done,” I whisper to Tyson. “And they think you and I hate each other, so they would never suspect we might work together to prank them back.”
“The greatest prank a prankster ever pulled was convincing the prank-ee he didn’t exist,” Hugo butts in. We still have no idea what he’s going on about.
“Do you want to do this?” I ask Tyson.
“You bet,” he replies, and puts his fist out for a fist bump. Unfortunately I go in for the high five and just end up holding his fist. We’ll probably have to work on that.
But first, we need to come up with a plan.
Pip and Abby return with the suitcase all put back together. I can’t believe I only just noticed the suitcase is in really good condition, even though it’s supposed to have been mauled by a Gunker Dragon. I’m still mentally kicking myself for being fooled by Abby Purcell of all people!
Everything in me wants to just mock what she said and reveal that their plan is foiled, but no! This will work so much better if Tyson, Hugo, and I play along as we agreed.
“I don’t think so. Something did move over there though.” I point to some bushes, pretending to still feel scared. “Let’s get out of here.”
“Where?” Abby asks nervously.
“Just there.” I point again. “Do you want some help with that case? Because Tyson can carry it for you if you’re not strong enough.”
Tyson frowns. “Hey!”
Abby fumes. “I can carry the case just fine, thank you very much! I don’t need help.”
I lead the group again, although this time I take them a slightly different way. We go down one path for a bit and then I veer slightly to the right, straight for a little bit more, and then slightly to the right again.
Duck quacks at me. He knows this is not the way we came and he’s not in on our plan. I give him the look that says, “It’s-okay-Duck-I’ve-got-this-under-control-and-I’ll-explain-it-all-to-you-on-the-way-home-although-that-will-be-difficult-because-you’ll-have-to-hide-in-my-backpack-again-oops-sorry.”
We walk.
And we walk.
And we walk some more.
By continuing to steer us a slightly different way, I manage to get us to miss our campground altogether. Which is the plan.
“This feels a lot farther than when we walked out here,” Pip says.
“We’re almost there, I think,” I reply.
“It’s been ages!” Tyson calls from the back. “Where are you taking us, Max?”
“Shut up! It’s not easy being the leader, especially with you whining all the time.”
“Who made you the leader anyway?” Abby asks. “Tyson, you have a watch. What’s the time? If we’re not careful, Max will have us missing the bus home.”